So it's been about two weeks since I last wrote...

I had a dr appointment about a week ago. The doctor had a really hard time finding the baby's heartbeat. It scared me a lot, but finally, there it was, that super quick thumping heartbeat. It's a beautiful thing. I can't wait to hold my sweet little baby...in 4+ months.

Physically, I'm not feeling great. It's not awful, but certainly not great. I'm tired all the time. My hair is so blah and drab. My face is a constant zit family reunion. My nails are growing really fast, but it's actually annoying. And then there's the allergies. Seriously....they're awful! I'm taking Flonase, Claritin, eye drops, and Benadryl as needed. All of this and I'm still miserable! My eyes are red and puffy and swollen. They either hurt or itch or both. And no matter what I tell the doctor, she doesn't seem to believe me that it's just so stink'n awful! And mentally, I don't remember a darn thing. I keep missing and forgetting stuff.

But all of this would be tolerable if I could just feel a little bit better emotionally. I feel like I'm falling apart....for no particular reason. It's just hormonal, but that being said, just because it's hormonal, doesn't mean it's not real. I either cry or want to cry most of the day. Being with people helps, but when I look like I do (red, puffy, swollen eyes) it's hard to convince myself to go anywhere. So anyway, I thought I'd tell you...the blogging void... that I'm struggling and I'm tired of trying to fake it all the time. So sometimes I'm just going to be sad...for no reason.